things i'd like to see happen before i die...

I'm 31 years old. I'll be 32 in 3 months. I'd like to estimate that I've got about 45-50 years left on this earth, God willing. This is a non-comprehensive list of things I'd like to see become reality before I take my last breath.

I'd like to see...

• automobiles that are affordable and do not run on fuel.
• a unified church that truly begins focusing the bulk of its time and resources outward rather than inward, effectively eliminating hunger and untreated disease throughout the world.
• up close, vivid, detailed pictures of Saturn. Eli absolutely loves Saturn. I think it's his favorite planet.
• at least 3 more completely new and unique "fashion trends" - none of the recycling of old fashion trends and making them new again.
• universal shoe sizing. Why is it that, depending on the shoe brand, I sometimes have to try on a 10M, 10W, 10.5M, 10.5W, or an 11M just to find one that fits right. If my foot is a 10W, then I should buy a 10W, regardless of the brand. But it never works that way. That's ridiculous.
• an overall reduction in average home sizes. How many families of 2-4 across our nation live in 3000 sq ft or larger homes? How much space is really necessary to live comfortably?
• reruns of The Cosby Show still airing when I'm 50 years old. I have a feeling that show will be even funnier to me then. Which would be difficult, consider how funny it still is to me now.
• a revolutionary trend of churches "combining" as opposed to "splitting". How cool would that be?
• cell phones that are nothing but small ear pieces. That's it. It would be completely voice activated, and you would never need to touch it, except to take it off.
• free or truly affordable health care coverage for ALL. I don't care how. But in the 21st century, if a person is sick or injured, they should be able to get treatment without worrying about bankruptcy, a court date, or bill collectors.
• Michael W. Smith release his 28th studio album in 2032, entitled, "1982 - 2032, The First Half Century".
• Steven Curtis Chapman steal MWS's limelight by releasing his 29th studio album a week later, entitled, "The Last Adventure".
• at least one grandchild that I can totally spoil.
• Eli grow up and do whatever the heck God wants him to do with his life...regardless of the location or money. There's nothing more fulfilling than doing the work of Christ.
• an honest, serious, practical review and revision of the US Constitution. It's an incredible document, don't get me wrong. But how long are we going to ignore that the right to bear arms was based on the fact that the country had been through years of war, there was practically no law enforcement, and that enemy soldiers might walk onto your land, kill you and your family, and take your stuff at will. Or that freedom of speech was revolutionary because you could be hung for saying something derogatory about the royal family of England. Not wholesale changes...just making sure that this dynamic document adapts to cover the realities of our changing culture.
• anything without wearing contacts or glasses. I've been of poor sight since the 3rd grade, and it would be nice to be rid of that at some point. But I'm scared of Lasic...and it's expensive.
• my waistline when I'm standing up.

So, what am I missing here?

am i Lost?

I was a huge fan of the tv show Alias. I saw all but a couple of episodes over 5 full season.

JJ Abrams created Alias. He also created Lost. Therefore, I committed to watching Lost from the time it first aired on September 22, 2004.

This show has been amazing, confusing, intricately woven, fragmented, maddening, action packed, romantic, emotional, frustrating......you get my point.

There are times I've watched and thought it was some of the greatest story telling I've ever seen on television. Other times I've watched (remember the polar bear back in season one?) and thought, "what the crap does this stuff mean?" And sometimes that question has never been answered.

Lost returns this week. Is this the last season? Don't know. Do I want it to be the last season, or do I want the story to go on for another 2 years? Don't know. Am I as excited about this abbreviated season as I have been regarding previous seasons? Don't know. I do know that I will continue to faithfully watch. I'm too deeply invested not to.

I'm just crossing my fingers and holding out hope that all the loose ends will tie together, the nagging questions will be answered, The Others will be completely identified and ousted, that no more random "survivors" miraculously show up out of nowhere, that Locke will forever inhabit the island and start a profitable adventure program, that Sawyer will come to know Jesus as his Savior, and that Hurley may actually begin to show signs of weight loss.

Considering he's been living on an island for about 4 months, eating nothing but natural fruits and vegetation and walking a good 5 miles a day, I'd say that's not too much to ask.

what makes mornings worth it

Every weekday morning, around 7:20am, I drop Eli off at his daycare center. Sometimes he grumpily walks in, won't hug me, and just slumps back to his friends, complaining about something that has made him angry.

Other days, we go in, take off his jacket, and he takes off, sprinting to his friends and leaving me standing there. No hug. No goodbye.

Still other days, we'll check his cubby, go see what they have for breakfast, exchange hugs and kisses, and then when I start to leave he'll holler at me and run to give me another hug before I go.

Some days - not nearly as much anymore - he'll cry when I leave and plead for me not to go. Then a teacher will have to hold him while I exit.

This morning, we went inside...took off his coat...switched his shoes back over to the correct feet after he had put them on by himself at home...went over to the breakfast table to pick which cereal he would like to eat...he took off one of his shoes (that we had just fixed) in order to show Ms. Rachel his Incredibles socks...then we hugged.

Then I said, "You have a good day, okay?"
And he replied, "Okay, dad, you have a good work."

And that makes mornings worth it.

the moment of truth

Anybody happen to catch "The Moment of Truth" last night on Fox? It was the premeire episode of the new show where you win money simply by telling the truth. Contestants are given an extensive polygraph test before the shows with over 50 probing questions. 21 of those questions - mostly the juiciest and most embarrassing ones - are asked during the show.

Last night, a guy admitted that he had not yet pursued having a child with his wife of 2 years because he was not sure if she would be his life long partner. He smiled. She didn't.

The show originated in Columbia. And despite high ratings...it was cancelled...because a contestant admitted she had hired someone to kill her husband! Seriously! You can read about it here.

The show almost demands we ask some questions of ourselves.

If you were submitted to a polygraph and could be asked ANYTHING by your significant other, what would they discover about you? If you could do the same to them, would you even want to? Would it even be remotely healthy? Is it better to know EVERYTHING about your mate (their every thought, fantasy, temptation, past sins, etc.) or is it better to know and understand them as a whole person...a flawed person...and to ultimately trust that their love is real and their intentions are good, despite those flaws?

the turn or burn truck

I work in west Knoxville. Once you get off the interstate, you turn right onto Lovell Road, go about 100 yards, then turn right again onto the road on which my place of work is located - Lexington Drive.

For about 2-3 months now, for various periods of 3-4 days at a time, the "Turn or Burn" truck has been parked in a vacant lot on the corner of Lovell and Lexington. This morning, I finally took pictures of it. I wanted to share it with you.

This is what you see when you make the turn onto Lexington:

Then, if you're coming from Lexington back to Lovell, here is what you see:

Let's point out some interesting things. First, do you see the 4 images of the little frowning dude burning in hell? That's sad. Second, who among you has ever though of Jesus as standing in flames, holding what looks to be a bottle of ketchup, with a blacked out face and huge white hands? Also, on the bottom right corner of the truck in the first image, it pretty much insists that I read Matthew - Revelations TODAY. I'm sorry, I love God, I'm a pretty good reader, and am trying to read the Bible more often, but I'm not sure if I can possibly read all of that in one day. I simply just cannot read that much in one sitting. Who took the time and spent the money to make this truck a reality? Do they believe they're doing good? Do they truly believe it will save the lives of those who read it? It's much more likely to cause a traffic accident (it's at a busy intersection with a traffic light) than to save a soul. But is it better than doing nothing at all, which is what I too often do? I just don't know.

if i can remember

If I can remember to bring my camera to work tomorrow, I promise to have a new post. I just stuck a post it note in my pocket as a reminder. There's something I've been wanting to post on here for a few weeks, I just cannot for the life of me remember to bring my camera. I wonder if Jesus was ever forgetful?

wrestling with God and ministry...

Today, I'm going to ask you who read this to pray for me in a specific way.

As of today, it's been approximately 7 years and 7 months since I last served in full time ministry. I've prayed often - and more so recently - asking God if a return to full time ministry might ever be a part of my future. Given the events that necessitated my exit the first time, I'm just not sure if that's going to be possible, at least not for a few more years. Who knows.

When I was 17, I felt a true calling from God to serve in ministry. I founded the first FCA at my high school. I went to a christian college, graduated with a degree in Bible and ministry, and was doing as my work what I thought I was going to do for the rest of my life. But, despite my eventual fallout, the way I thought of ministry and how I viewed "success" were way off base. I felt relatively "successful" in ministry at a young age because I had a lot of connections with ministry people and ministry stuff. By age 20 I was traveling each January to lead seminars at an annual youth workers convention. I won an award my senior year of college as the "top ministry student" in the graduating class. I was comfortable in front of people, leading worship or speaking. I was getting calls from ministers at other churches inviting me to come and speak to their groups or go on their retreats as a special guest.

But, really, those things were all pretty much crap. My heart wasn't in the right place. The way I viewed helping people was wrong. I wasn't connecting with people in my own church. I wasn't building lasting relationships. I wasn't serving the community and helping those in need. I wasn't leading people to Christ by befriending them and showing them His love, but by doing things I thought was cool or fun and hoping those things were somehow reflecting Jesus to others.

Even now, I struggle with those kinds of things. I'm still concerned about numbers, and image, "being relevant" and almost dumbing Jesus down in a way that allows me to live with less discipline and conviction.

And in spite of all that, I really miss the calling of ministry. As time goes by, the work I do each day to make a living seems less and less fulfilling, and I yearn more for the opportunity to serve God again in a full time capacity. I don't know if this will happen. If God opens a path in some way, I don't know if it would be in the local church. Maybe it could be with a charity or other service organization. Maybe I continue the work I'm doing now and pray more for consistent opportunities to serve in the evenings and on weekends, either with my church or with other area ministries.

I'm still praying these things out. Even if God said, "Yes, go for it", I'm not even sure where my area of desire is. Sometimes I wonder if I'm even praying these things in vain. My sin was great and is a difficult thing for most people to forgive. I understand that. I understand that I would be held highly accountable, and that in the human realm, my slate will likely never be wiped clean.

So, as I stated at the beginning, I'm asking you to pray for me. I need to wrestle with God on this and see if there's any answers He might have, one way or another. I'm very thankful for you who read this. Feel free to comment - anonymously even - if you have any thoughts or suggestions. And may God be for the Packers and against the Patriots in the NFL playoffs. Amen.

the brothers solomon

My wife and I have differing tastes in movies. I'm really into movies that are typically at least 2 hours long, have a plot that forces you to watch the movie with no interruptions, and really leave you speechless when they're over - think Braveheart, The Last of the Mohicans, JFK, The Bourne Ultimatum, 3:10 to Yuma, Gladiator, stuff like that. Now, I like other types of dramas, comedies and so forth, but these are my favorite types of things to watch.

Erin is more into cute, funny, shorter, easier to watch movies. She likes comedies and romance movies more than I do. And if the direction of the movie isn't pretty obvious by about the 20 minute mark, she gets frustrated and doesn't really want to get a headache trying to figure it all out. She's more into Will Ferrell, Adam Sandler, and Ben Stiller type of stuff.

So when she came home from Blocksbuster this weekend with "The Brother's Solomon", a ridiculous looking comedy written by and starring Will Forte from SNL sort-of-fame, I rolled my eyes, snickered, and vowed to watch the movie and simply not like it. I mean, Will Forte plays a pretty good "McGruber", does an okay impression of President Bush, and totally sucks as "The Falconer", but the feature role in a movie? Please.

Give me a second. I'm still picking myself up off the floor. I actually laughed during the movie. Quite a bit, actually. And fairly hard. I would have laughed more had I not spent the first 20-30 minutes determined not to like it. It's corny, over-the-top, and definitely an SNL kind of flick, but there are some really awesome one-liner kind of stuff, and it all finally just bowls you over so you can't help but to laugh.

Yes, I'm actually recommending you give "The Solomon Brothers" a try. And I already slapped myself before typing that, so I really do mean it.

2007 in Review

I've been wresting over some "top 10" kind of lists, but I doubt I can put any together. Erin and I simply don't see enough movies to compose a movie list...and most of the ones we see are ones we take Eli to. I'm very limited in my musical tastes, and I rarely buy new music. I don't read nearly enough, and when I do, it's mostly popular fiction.

So, I'm just going to list some stuff from 2007. Some movies. Some music. Some events. Some experiences. Some changes. Some of it may not actually "originate" from 2007, but they were meaningful to me somehow in this year. Without further adieu:

• Sicko, Stardust, Once, Bridge to Terabithia, Superbad, The Bourne Ultimatum, and Ratatouille are very worth seeing. Sicko made me mad. Once and Bridge to Terabitha made me cry. Stardust and Ratatouille made me smile. Superbad made me laugh...and feel guilty for watching it. And The Bourne Ultimatum just got me pumped up!
• Here's who I enjoyed listening to in '07, regardless of the album, song, or dates of release: Caedmon's Call, Kanye West, Rich Mullins, dc talk, Dixie Chicks, Chris Tomlin, David Crowder, Passion Worship, Bob Dylan, Alanis Morrisette, and lots and lots of sports talk radio.
• We began attending Crossings in June. Since July I've had the privilege of being involved with the setup/productions team every week, including producing, setting up lights, running video and sound, and tearing down after the service.
• "Relative" freedom came in July, after 6 years of punishment.
• Erin & I took our first vacation ever as a couple - and the first real vacation for either us in about 6 years - when we went to Charleston for 4 1/2 days in early September.
• This blog began the first week of July. I'm not sure if I would consider it successful or not, because I don't know how to define the success of this blog. It's been fun to write, and I can tell there are at least 12-15 of you out there reading each week, so let's keep truckin.
• I became an uncle in September. My sister and brother-in-law had their first child, Grayson, and we've been fortunate enough to visit them 3 times since his birth.
• The month of April is host to my birthday, Eli's birthday, and our wedding anniversary. So April's always a good month, just in general.
• In September a good friend died. I didn't hear about it for over 3 months. I hope he's having fun in heaven.
• Around May-June, a friendship was rekindled with a truly great friend that I'd, for the most part, lost contact with for the last few years. I really needed it, and am very thankful.
• In February, Eli and I went sledding on about 1/4 inches of snow. You take what you can get around here.

I'm sure there's more, but this is the stuff that comes to mind. As life goes forward, I'm really just trying to live better, learn more, serve more faithfully, be more grateful, and realize that no matter what kind of crap may come, my life is far far better than I could ever deserve.

the imposter, once, and other tidbits

Yesterday, at McKay's Bookstore, I traded in about 9 cd's and got $26.00 in trade credit. For $24.00 of that credit, I picked David Crowder Bands "Remedy", Kanye West's "Late Registation", and Kevin Max's "Between the Fence and the Universe" and "The Imposter."

For those who don't know (shame on you), Kevin Max is one of the original DC Talk members. Granted, his solo career since dc talk hasn't quite rivaled that of Toby Mac's. But listening to "The Imposter" over the last day has once again confirmed for me that this guy has quite possibly the greatest singing voice I've ever heard. I'd read good things about this album. On Amazon, the album actually has 5-star reviews from all 23 people who reviewed it. But it's actually kind of hard to find, and I'd been looking for it at McKay's for several months now. Yesterday, I got it for $5.95, and it was still in it's original cellophane wrapping. If you're not a dc talk fan (again, shame on you), don't worry. If you can find it, you should give this album a try. It's very poetic, smooth yet edgy, and his vocals are as clear and amazing as ever. And it leaves me hoping - more than ever before - for an eventual dc talk reunion.

Side note...I finally saw the movie "Once" yesterday on dvd. It's gotten great reviews and it's songs have been played during our church's pre-service music pretty much ever since the movie came out. I was very impressed. I actually went to McKay's hoping to find the soundtrack, and ended up with the other stuff instead. The acting was great, the plot was great, the music was incredible, and the ending left me with my hands over my face wishing for more. If you haven't already, check it out.

PS - Kevin Max just released a brand new album entitled "The Blood", and one of the songs features dc talk members Toby McKeehan and Michael Tait. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

family pictures

About 2 weeks ago, we took our first "professional" family pics in over 2 years. Because I've developed a man-crush on this new picture show site I recently stumbled across, I thought I'd share some. And is it obvious that I now weigh about 190 lbs? Pretty sad.

my friend is gone...

Just in the last two days, I found out that a good friend of mine from Kentucky committed suicide in September. We were good friends, although not necessarily really close friends. I'd known him since 1996, when I was serving at a church in Kentucky while still in college.

Over the last 9 years, from the time I moved to Knoxville in 1998, he faithfully called me about once every 3 months, and even drove down to visit a couple of times. He was very much a country-boy, talked with a deep accent, always drove a pickup truck, chewed tobacco, and was an avid Florida State Seminoles fan.

Not really knowing what had happened, I found the online guest book hosted by the funeral home that handled his burial. I emailed a person from the guest book who seemed to have known him well over the last few years.

It seems that he killed himself primarily over a failed relationship with a girl he had dated for only 2-3 months, but simply could not get over. All evidence points to the fact that his suicide was not premeditated, but more of a rash decision as a way to get back at this girl. I'm hesitant to provide all the details, but that definitely seemed to be the case.

I'm just dumbfounded, really. Although I'd only seen him twice in the last 9 years, I'll miss this friend very much. He was always a great guy, encouraging, was very active at his church in Lexington, Ky, outgoing, talkative. I understand there were no signs of mental health issues, no sickness. I just don't get it. And I'm very sorry he's gone. I'll miss you, David.

how i would ring in the new year if i had real cahones...

Yes, he jumped an entire football field on a motorcycle. On New Years Eve.
Ridiculous.